Sometimes in life we have to do what’s best for ourselves. As a parent that can be hard…. To take the pros and cons, lay them on the table, and make a life altering decision that affects an entire household. It takes a lot of strength and courage to be able to do this. It takes a lot of confidence in knowing that your decision is the absolute best decision and that you will be a better person because of it, and that in turn it will benefit your loved ones as well. This is what I’ve had to do… And I know deep down with everything I am that I’m doing the right thing.
It’s been a really rough few months, but there is light at the end of the tunnel… And I cant wait to touch it.
The support of my friends has been phenomenal. I cannot put into words how much they mean to me and how much I appreciate them. God, I can’t even really call them friends anymore, they are my family. I love them to the moon and back.
My brother and I had an absolutely fabulous trip. We saw so many beautiful things… We experienced so many beautiful things… And even better, after over 80 hours in a car together and 4800 miles in, we never once even bickered or got on each other’s nerves. We are so in tune with each other and it is amazing. I look forward to our trip next year.
Have you ever noticed how slow time moves when you are waiting for something? I can’t stand it… It’s like time slows down just because you are excited about it…. Is this just a me thing? It can’t be…. I know I can’t be the only person that suffers from severe impatience. Or maybe I am and I’ll get to name this disease… HAHA! Okay okay….
It’s almost time for the 4th of July. This holiday is especially rough for me. Three years ago was my very last 4th of July with my mother, and the last holiday I ever got to spend with her. I don’t do anniversaries well still to this day. But the 4th is by far the hardest. Her last 4th of July the whole family pitched in on fireworks and we had the world’s best at home fireworks display EVER… We are talking over a thousand dollars in fireworks…. She loved fireworks, but she was too sick to even go down the stairs and out the front door to watch, instead she watched from the living room window. I stood next to her and saw it in her eyes… It wasn’t long. You could see there wasn’t much hope left, you could see she was fading just by the way she stared out that window. While I stood there like a small child lost and afraid in the dark, the reality that I would soon be burying my mother set in. I tried to be strong and hold back the tears (the same as right now as I’m writing this)… I did, but I kept having to walk away to cry for her, to cry for my kids, and to cry for me….
That was a little too much for me today….
Big hugs and lots of love