My lack of having patience is something I speak openly about often…. I have prayed for patience so many times and yet still have none…. I’m figuring out that patience is something that must be learned, it’s not just given. I’m not sure if I have the patience to learn patience… But I will try. I am always on a mission to better my life and the lives around me…. (As I type this I’m thinking… God can you just give me patience to be patient enough to learn patience…. Ohhhhh Kylie…..) I have a true test in patience in front of me currently and I truly think the wait will be worth it in the long run… Maybe this is God’s way of answering my prayers and finally teaching me. Hmmmmm……..
My little ankles are swelling again which means the ole kidneys are being turds again…. I’m not happy about it, so I’m just going to drown my kidneys with water and hope for the best. I’m not doing all those stupid tests again. They couldn’t figure out what the hell happened after god knows how many…. And I’m not a fan of the tests…. Or the waiting for the results. This makes me grouchy just thinking about it, so lets move on….
Today my oldest turned 17 years old. The fucked up part about this is I still feel 17 years old. And I definitely don’t look my age at all… I really don’t like the fact that in one year from today, my angel will be a legal adult. An adult? I just had this kid yanked out of my body I thought… It feels like yesterday…. Time flies at an incredible pace…. This young man turned out to be such a wonderful human being in every way and I’m so proud… But I want to hit the rewind button and do it all again… Relive every laugh and every moment of the last 17 years again. They were the most precious years of my life… And soon, he will be on his own and one day having his own little guy being yanked out his future wife… This is making me tear up…. I’m not ready. I know life doesn’t wait on me, but since I can’t hit rewind, can’t I just have a pause button for a while so I can look around and really just absorb it all?
I want to go more but I have run out of time for today…
Big hugs and lots of love,