Sometimes there’s just that one person that you don’t want to know anything about your life… I took a break from my blog for a few weeks because I was trying to decided whether to continue writing it due to this person. I decided to keep writing because it is good for my soul and my heart…. And I am happy that I did. I have been contacted by so many people expressing enjoyment in my writings and if I can help or inspire people in any way, I am glad to continue on with it…. To the person I spoke of above… Please, leave me alone.
On to greater things….
I have had so many wonderful realizations in the last few weeks…. About life, people, and especially myself. I’m feeling so very hopeful. A lot of changes on the forefront and I couldn’t be more excited…. And I have been inspired and motivated in the strangest of ways… A little inspiration and motivation does me so well…. I feel like the world just opened up and let me see a new dimension that I never knew existed…. And it’s beautiful.
You know when a friend is truly a good friend when you can go years without speaking to them and pick back up with your friendship as though it never skipped a beat….. I recently connected with an old friend and it was absolutely amazing. I have been blessed with some of the most amazing friends a person could ever ask for. I don’t know what I did to deserve them, but I am completely grateful for every breath they take.
I am on gigantic sunburn number two of this year and boy does this one hurt. I laid out in the sun by my mother’s grave on Mother’s Day a little too long. It’s always a rough day for me but this year something terrible happened to one of my favorite people. It just started the day off with my feeling horrible for not being able to fix it. I’m a fixer, I fix things damn it…. I hate when I can’t, especially if it’s someone I love. I’m still trying to find a quick and easy solution… But I don’t think there is one this time. Life always works out….. Somehow, some way…. So this will ultimately be okay. I just need to learn I can’t fix everything. I still just feel so bad about it….
Fear is an incredible thing…. As humans we either thrive on fear, or hide from fear…. Some people jump off airplanes, while others refuse to ever get one. I wonder what causes the difference… I shall research this topic next. I’m so curious. One of my favorite quotes in the entire world is “Never turn your back on fear, it should always be in front of you, like a thing that might have to be killed.” (Hunter S. Thompson)…. Now, in thinking about fear, I’ve also noticed different degrees of it… Like, I’m terrified of heights and would never ever skydive or bungee jump. HOWEVER, I will jump off a cliff into the ocean or a high dive at the pool. I can’t even look over a six foot drop off without getting queasy…. What is the difference? Why does water change my fear? Or is it the water that even changes it? Was this engrained by the way I was raised? I’m going to research this more and I’m going to come back and write about this is much more detail. I desire to have no fear…. And I will get there no matter how long it takes…..
I picked up my guitar for the first time in what felt like ages the other day. It’s crazy how much it feels like home having that thing in my arms. Its a complete shame that I wasn’t more dedicated to playing throughout the years…. It’s so amazing to just feel the music coming from it… I will play more… I need it.
Isn’t it amusing how we get into these routines and it’s so easy to just get stuck in them… We just live life hitting the repeat button….. I don’t want my life to be a giant routine…. I don’t want to do the same song and dance every day…. It’s too robotic and that leaves emptiness, lack of appreciation and the inability to enjoy being in the moment…. I want to shake the fucking roof off my house sometimes due too much routine…..
And…. I will stop there for now….. Haha!
Big hugs and lots of love….